What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?" Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment." Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"

There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic. He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.