A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

*Famous Sports Quotes* "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "You guys line up alphabetically by height!" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "I play footba

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So with the stone he bashes the life out of the chief. Standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily looking at 100 angry natives... The voice booms out again, "Okay... NOW you're screwed."

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

Yo moma's like a mail box, open all day and all night.

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend's house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. "It's all right, mum," he said, brightly; "you don't have to buy them another! Charlie's mum said it was irreplaceable!"

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

In the beginning was the Plan And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And darkness was upon the faces of the workers And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth: "It is a crock, and it stinketh!" And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads, and sayeth: "It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof." And the Section Heads went unto their Managers, and sayeth unto them: "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went to their Director, and sayeth unto him: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"