What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

Yo moma's like a mail box, open all day and all night.

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So with the stone he bashes the life out of the chief. Standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily looking at 100 angry natives... The voice booms out again, "Okay... NOW you're screwed."

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

*Famous Sports Quotes* "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "You guys line up alphabetically by height!" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "I play footba

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining st

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...