Once a blonde decided that she wanted a kid. when she had it she couldnt decide what to name it. she asked around but no one had the right name. some people wanted huga butte and some wanted gatta pee pee. she went with ma hore

This is a true story. I was texting my one friend, and we both get bored easy. This is part of our one convo. Him: Mew! I'm a kitty! Me: Woof! I'm a puppy! Him: Oink! I'm a cow! Me: Quack! I'm a zebra! Him: Bang! I'm a hoe! Me: Man, u got me beat on tht 1!

Yo Momma is stupid that she went hunting for whales in Ohio!

Yo Momma's breath is so bad, that when she entered the basement all the rats passed out!

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." - George Bush, former U.S. President "It is white." - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel "Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President "Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college." - Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." - Bill Clinton, former U.S. president "You

Yo momma so fat, when she wears a yellow shirt and goes outside, the sun gets jealous! Yo momma so ugly, I don't know who you and her are related! Yo momma so old, fat, ugly, and stupid, people are still wondering why your dad married her! Yo momma so stupid, she cheated off herself! Yo momma so fat, if she stops eating, it would end world hunger! Yo momma so gassy, she started global warming! Yo momma so fat, everytime she farts people think there's an earthquake! Yo momma so short, I saw her feet in her driver's license! Yo momma so fat, when she went to New York someone shouted "Hey look, it's King Kong" Yo momma so poor, when I visited you and picked up a penny, yo momma start

Some may be offeneded by a few of these. This is not meant to hurt anyones feelings just to show how stupid some of our idols and leaders of the country are. "Did people build this, or did Indians?" - Tourist question at Mesa Verde National Park "I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians." - Tom Lasorda, former Dodger manager on World Cup soccer tournament "Every city I go to is an oppurtunity to paint, whether it's Omaha or Hawaii." - Tony Bennett, Singer "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. "FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650." - Ad in Jakarta Post, should have r

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - David Acfield "And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" - David Coleman, Sportscaster "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." - Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hi

Play this on a friend: You: You would call a witty remark a joke, right? Friend: Yes. You: Spell joke twice and say it 5 times please. Friend: J-o-k-e, j-o-k-e, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. You: (start laughing) Friend: Did I mess up? You: No. You would call a relaxing stay in a tub with hot water a soak, right? Friend: No, I'd call it a bath. You: Whatever. Spell soak twice and say it 5 times please. Friend: S-o-a-k, s-o-a-k, soak, soak, soak, soak, soak. You: (start laughing) Friend: Did I mess up? You: No. Say joke 5 times and soak 5 times, then spell soak 3 times and joke 3 times. Friend: Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, soak, soak, soak, soak, soak, s-o-a-k, s-o-a-k, s-o-a-k, j-o-k-e, j-

Q. What did God say after creating Adam A. I must be able to do better than that. Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg? A. They won't stop to ask for directions. Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A. So men can be open minded. Q. How are men and parking spots alike? A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common? A. They are all married.

What starts with a p and ends with the letters orn? Popcorn! What were you thinking? What starts with a f and ends with the letters uck? Firetruck! What were you thinking? What starts with a b and ends with the letters itch? Bewitch! What were you thinking?

17. "I finished the Oreo's." 16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds." 15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever." 13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl." 12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella." 11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt." 10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!" 9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?" 8. "Are your ankles supposed to look l