HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must have been given your share! HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend! HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! SHE: Okay, get out! HE: I think I could make you very happy SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! HE: Can I have your name? SHE: Why, don't you already have one? HE: Sh

Dating process : 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose? Back from Work: 6 weeks : Honey, I'm home. 6 months : BACK!! 6 years : What did your mom cook for us today?? Gifts: 6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring. 6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room. 6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something. Phone Ringing: 6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone. 6 months : Here, for you. 6 years : PHONE RINGING. Cooking: 6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good! 6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight? 6 years : AGAIN!!!!

1.dumb guy: I have'nt slept all nite on the train. Friend: Why? Dumb guy: Got upper berth. Friend: Why did'nt you exchange? Dumb guy: oye, there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth. 2. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India, every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A dumb guy stands up - We must find & stop her! 3. Dumb guy - Why are all these people running? Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Dumb guy - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running? 4. Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense. Dumn guy: The future tense is, "You will go to jail." 5. Dumb guy gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, cli

How to identify a dumb guy. You should be sure the person is a dum guy when he: • Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind. • Gets stabbed in a shoot-out. • Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. • Tries to drown a fish in water. • Thinks socialism means partying. • Trips over a cordless phone. • Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. • At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius." • Studies for a blood test and fails. • Sells the car for gas money. • Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead. • Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.

How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner. How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better!

There was this really annoying elephant named Izzy who loved to brag. One day she went up to a camel, Mell, and said, "I am the most beautiful animal you'll ever see!!" Mell looked at her like she was crazy and said no you're not! Izzy said, "Well, I look better than you because I don't have two boobs on my back!" Mell replied, "True, very true. But at least I don't have a dick on my face."

What is the difference between you and a ho? The ho is smarter.

A preacher, who shall we say, was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit, and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Su

The following are actual questions written to pastors from children across the world. Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments, but I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Ak

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11 Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo