In my college dorm we had one of those irritating type guys who was born with more money than most of us could ever dream of earning, and naturally we resented his Porsche, his boat, and the women who hung all over same. The guy went out of his way to remind us all about his money, car, and especially the women. Most of us were 2 and 3 to a dorm room, but he had a room all to himself at the end of the hall in the dorm. So........ when he took off for an extended weekend, a bunch of us theatre department freaks went to his door, removed the doorknob, plastered over the entire wall at the end of the hall, nailed up new wood molding, painted the entire hallway a new color and changed all the re

Here's the background: Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story). Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it. Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk? Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Me: Is there more milk or coffee? Her: Oh, definitely more coffee. Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk. Her: Just the usual amount of milk. Me: A coffee with milk. Her: Yes. Me: Anything else? Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine? Me: We do have decaf. Her: No, I don't want decaf, ju

Why isn't God helping us? Some people ask this question. Well, here's an answer. Billy Graham's daughter was being interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I believe that God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman that He is, I believe that He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand that He leave us alone?" I know there's been a

Pythagorean Theorem - 24 words. Lord's Prayer - 66 words. Archimedes' Principle - 67 words. 10 Commandments - 179 words. Gettysburg Address - 286 words. Declaration of Independence - 1,300 words. US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage - 26,911 words.

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you've got." Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles, then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Signs That Were Found In Peoples' Kitchens: A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. Housework done properly can kill you. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

Kid's Instructions on Life... "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9 "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8 "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10 "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9 "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10 "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11 "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10 "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10 "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12 "Remember you're never too o

A recent survey shows that 95% of men admit to pleasuring themselves sexually... and that the remaining 5% are liars!!

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot? A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball!

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" she asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathroom since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was, "The flowers are artificial." [Editor's note: Evidently some employees created a rest room gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level]

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The parish priest ran into him one day totally inebriated, attempting to stumble home, and gave him a strong lecture against drinking. The good father was able to convince Paddy that, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse." This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and could not get that thought out of his mind. He couldn't sleep for a week worrying about the priest's threat and finally said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"