Who is the ugliest member of wocka? [Name Removed - This joke offends some users - Joke awaiting deletion]

My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon." "What about two sided ones?" I asked. "They don't exist," was his response. "I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10 "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."- Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? "Married people usually look happy t

A Cat's Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and scratch loudly. Once the door is opened, it is considered bad form to go through it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies

Bill Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan), for 6.00 a.m. While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico), how much he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in Switzerland), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany), goes looking as he

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick. Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit. Tauru

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. Gravity...it's not just a good Idea, it's the Law. First things first, but not necessarily in that order. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse. Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care! Can you repeat the part after, "Listen very carefully"? Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Dyslexia: it can warn without striking! Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Originality is the art of concealing your source. Synonym: word used when you can't spell the one you wanted. The Apathy Anonymous meeting was canceled due to lack of interest. You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard-shaped dents in his forehead. You have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

You know you are a redneck when you do not speak your first word until your 18th birthday and that word is WELFARE!.

Why do Gynecologists retire at a younger age that other doctors? They get tunnel vision!

Yo momma's so old, if she's not wearing a bra, it looks like she has four legs.

Yo Momma is so fat she sat on Bigfoot and turned him into "Little Toe."