Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Great Thinkers of Our Time? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similari

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question: "How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES?" The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One." The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates. The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES?" She immediately says "One." The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know." Then the blonde comes into the room, goes throu

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leavi

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?" The man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next-door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me. I thought, 'Wow, this has never happened before.' You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. We

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple

Two nuns go out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour? SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to start walking faster. SM: It is not working. SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this ra

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for and your answer cannot take that away. But I must know, did he have a different father?" The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye. She pauses for a moment longer and then confesses, "Yes. Yes, he did." The old man is very shaken. The reality of what his wife had don

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, is never lazy. He's always hard at work in his cubicle. Bob is always working independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees. He is great. His assignments are always on time, never late. You should hire him. Often, Bob skips his coffee breaks to compelte his work. He has worked dillegently. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classified as worthy employee, and cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob should be promoted, and a proposal