What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? "Let us prey."

What do soccer players drink? Penaltea!

Yo momma is so stupid that she gets lost in a telephone booth.

How To Easily Clean A Cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and ri

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!"

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the bible that man should do the coffee." The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him the top of several pages, that it indeed says........"HEBREWS"

Five toads arrived at the Heaven's Gates. The man in charge asked for each toad's name and what they had been doing. The first gave his name and said he had been going in and out of puddles. The man let him through the gate. He interrogated the next three toads and all three too said they had been going in and out of puddles. Since there was nothing wrong, the man let them all in. Then he reached the last toad. She was a pretty one, in toad's sense, and when asked what her name was, she replied, "Puddles."

Rich and Kim, a couple, were in a room when Kim asked Rich if he would ever forget her. He replied that he would never forget her. Then she said, "Knock-knock!" and, of course, Rich said, "Who's there?" "See!" she exclaimed sulkily. "You have forgotten already."

Yo momma's so fat, she shows up on radar.

A guy eats at a restaurant. At the end of the meal, the guy looks at the check: Salads . . . . . . $3 Steak . . . . . . $10 Works . . . . . . .$5 Cola . . . . . . . $2 ----------------------- Total $20 The customer asked the waiter "What's 'works'?" "This time it didn't work" said the waiter and crossed out that row.

A group of managers was given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a big disaster. After a while, an engineer happened to walk by and saw what the managers were attempting to do. She walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. She measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and then walked away without saying a word.

A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."