Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends. See owned a saw and Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw before See saw Soar's seesaw, then See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. But See saw Soar and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's saw, so See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. It was a shame to let See see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!!!

"Apparatus" is a fancy word for thingy.

Hawaii is the only U.S. state not to report a temperature of 0f* or below. Kangaroos can jump 30 ft. The first bike was called a hobbyhorse. A hummingbird weighs less than a penny. The smallest county in America is New York County, better known as Manhattan.

The first TV remote control, introduced in 1950, was called Lazy Bones. Lemon sharks can give birth to about 36 babies at one time. The top of the Empire State Building was originally built as a place to anchor blimps. The area code in Cape Canaveral, Fl, is 321.

Sign in a realtor's office: "Lots for little." Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step." Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write." Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further." Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a long little doggie!"

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? Turkey feathers. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - a building can't jump at all. Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks. Where did the first corn come from? The stalk brought it. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

Chapters In The "Nascar For Dummies" Book: How To Read It's Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia Jumpin', Hollerin' & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief? Remember - Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy Better Places to Put the Grill Than Next to the Winnebago's Propane Tank Brakes Are For Sissies Advanced Technical Terms - "Yeeeehaww!" "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!" How To Say "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments How to Drive in a Circle 500 Times Without Getting Dizzy Them Cars Are Fast - And LOUD!

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked. As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

One night, a mother was walking past her young daughter's room when she saw the little girl kneeling by her bed, head bowed, hands folded, reciting the alphabet. "What are you doing, sweetheart?" the mother asked. "I'm saying my prayers, Mommy," replied the little girl, "but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say, so I'm saying the letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together whichever way He feels is best."

One day two old men, Bill and Ted, were sitting on a park bench discussing their sex life. Bill states, "At my age, me and the old lady have sex about once a year." Ted replies, "Oh really! Me and the old lady have sex almost every day." "No way!" says Bill. "You're joking, right?" "No, really!" insists Ted. "Almost on Sunday, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday..."

There was a magical mirror that showed the prettiest and ugliest people in the world. The mirror said that May Honzirop was the prettiest and the ugliest was Shakira Hobo. May was going to go in front of millions of people to get a Guinness world record. The mirror said, the day before May went on stage, "I think you'll brag about all your "success" and just become unpopular again." May replied, "SHUT UP, YOU STUPID MIRROR! I WILL THROW YOU AWAY AFTER I'M DONE!" It was the next day. She was on stage with Shakira Hobo. She announced, "Now the mirror will choose the prettiest and the ugliest people." The mirror was still upset, but decided to answer anyway. The mirror announced to about 2