Popular Jokes
Respect leadership hierarchy wisely
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speed boat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The mana
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
"No," he said, "the steaks are too high."
Once there was an old couple who went to the doctor for their checkup. They were told that nothing was physically wrong with them, but that they were both suffering from memory loss, and may want to start writing things down.
That night when the couple is at home watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"Where are you going?" the curious wife asks.
"To the kitchen."
"Okay. Can you get me something while you're in there?"
"Sure. What?"
"I'd like some ice cream please."
The man starts to walk into the kitchen. The wife asks, "Shouldn't you write it down?"
"Nah. I don't need to. You want ice cream. I can remember that."
"Wait. I just remember
What did the clock say to the wristwatch?
"I enjoyed tocking with you, but now you're starting to tick me off."
A guy gets a new job at a bubble gum shop. One day a guy comes in and asks, "How much is your gum?" So the guy replies, "I don't know." The customer walks out and the manager comes in and says, "You should of said 50 cents."
Another customer comes in and asks, "How much is your gum?" The guy says, "50 cents." Then the customer asks, "Is it fresh," and the guy answers, "I don't know." The customer walks out and the manager comes in and says, "You should have said yes, very very fresh."
So another customer comes in and says, "How much is your gum?" The guys answers, "50 cents." Then the customer asked if it's fresh, to which the guy answers, "Yes very very fresh." The customer then asks,
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure,"
Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was.
"It was great!" said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion....it started chasing me....at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped!! He caught up again, and I could smell his foul breath right behind me, but he slipped again! Then he was so close, his paw reached out, inches away from my shoulders. Yet he slipped, for the third time! That is when I spotted a car and got a ride back here!"
"Wow!", says George, "If that happened to me I would Have wet my pants!!" Fred looks at him and says
"What do you think the lion kept slipping on?"
My karma ran over your dogma.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work.
Hey idiot, hang up! You are driving a car, not a phone booth.
Take your time, but hurry.
Speed kills, drive slow, get a Honda.
0 to 60... in 15 minutes.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the footpath.
Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.
As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.
Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.
Caution: Driver Sleeping.
Don't Think and Drive.
Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
So many pe
A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal - Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on.
She says," Excuse me , sir , can you tell me any thing about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everthing about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him , but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "The rod and reel is $20."
She says," That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to th
Kid 1: You did it again!
Kid 2: What? What did I do?
Kid 1: You know, that thing.
Kid 2: What thing?
Kid 1: That thing when your lips move and sound comes out.
Home
