Bumper Stickers

My job is secure. No one else wants it. You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares This is my other car! And on the eighth day, God went fishing Time is what keeps everything from happening at once Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain Don't steal. The government hates competition. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas. Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control. There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart. My computer doesn't understand me!! Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Horn broken. Watch for finger. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank the Grandma! Eat well, stay fit, die anyway Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today I'd rather be hunting Sometimes I wish life had subtitles Save the humans The gene pool could use a little chlorine! Hang up and drive! Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy I'd rather be fishing If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative I souport publik edukashun We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity I'd rather be driving a golf ball I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong! Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail Tired of being around? Call Dr. Jack Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. My other car bumper sticker is funny If all else fails .. lower your standards Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over your ass! The religious right is neither It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees. Nuke the gay unborn baby whales for peace I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Don't laugh .. It's paid for! Time flies when you don't know what you're doing He who dies with the most toys, wins! My other car is a Porsche Cat: The other white meat I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it The #1 cause of divorce is ... Marriage Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive. We are spending our kids inheritance. Life is sexually transmitted. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. Don't let school interfere with your education Indecision is the key to flexibility. My karma ran over your dogma I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you Shit happens! Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them? Men have feelings too, but who really cares? And on the eighth day, God went skiing I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? Athletes love to score Not all women are fools. Some are single. There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane Yes, I've heard of ""decaf."" What's your point? Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children Procrastinate Later Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I love cats, they taste just like chicken Men are idiots and I married their king Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. The best way to get on your feet is to get off your ass! Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! Caution! Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore! Don't steal. The government hates competition. Have a crappy day God grant me patience. And I want it NOW! Impeach Clinton. And her husband. I'll do it tomorrow, I've made enuf mistakes today Remember when sex was safe and motorcycles were not! Caution! I brake for tailgaters Life's too short to date ugly women Liberals want misery spread equally I'm looking for true love. But I'll settle for cheap sex. Keep honking, I'm reloading. Love is free. It's diapers that are expensive In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. Life would be so much easier if we just had the source code Annoy a liberal. Work hard and smile Proud to be an American Lottery! A tax on people who are bad at math Mean people suck Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them I am an escapee of a political correction facility. Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot! I still miss my Ex ... but my aim is improving Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition Computers cut my work in half and the boss expects me to put it all back together! Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself! Give me coffee and no one will get hurt Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee Ignore your rights and they'll go away C code. C code run. Run, code, run! (please?) If you're rich, I'm single! This truck belongs to me. Everything else belongs to her The complaint department is closed! I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it Work is for people who don't know how to golf Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children Question Authority before it Questions You! A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Support the right to arm bears! I need someone really bad... are you really bad? Invest in America Buy a Congressman! A woman with a big fat ass should dump him Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot! You can't fix stupid 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I AM in shape. Round is a shape. Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. I've run out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead! Politically incorrect and proud of it Vegetables aren't food. Vegetables are what food eats. If you drink like a fish - swim, don't drive I don't give a damn what your other car is! Earth First. We'll screw up the other planets later. Warning! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether Gun control is being able to hit your target If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you I drive way too fast to worry about cholestrol Reality is the leading cause of stress Good planets are hard to find It hurts to be on the cutting edge. Jesus is coming! Look busy Same BS, different day I like your approach, let's see your departure Life's too short to date ugly men I said for better or for worse, not forever! If the van's a' rockin, don't come a' knockin Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read? Quiet! Genius at work Work is for people who don't surf the net! Men are pigs Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional. I love my country. It's the government I'm afraid of. I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it! Remember when Windows were washed, mice were trapped, and UNIX guarded the harem? Why should we trust the government with automatic weapons? Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. What part of ""NO"" don't you understand? Panic now and avoid the rush I fight poverty, I work If men are from Mars, then why can't we send them back? The opposite of progress is Congress When the going gets tough, everybody leaves So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute! The best things in life aren't things If you can read this, you are too close! God's last name is not damnit! Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. America - Love it or leave it DAMM - Drunks against Mad Mothers I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed I always wanted to be a procrastinator; never got around to it. Life's a bitch and then you die! Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. I'd rather be playing golf Life is like a box of chocolates .. full of nuts! To hell with the dog, beware of the owner I'm not as think as you drunk I am Was today really necessary? The more people I meet, the more I like my dog The computer revolution is over and the computers won! Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. It's bad enough driving sober. Don't drive drunk If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you! Few women admit their age ... Fewer men act theirs Honesty pays, but not enough Computers aren't intelligent. They just think they are. Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. If this car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it A bad day of golf beats a good day of working Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Ask me if I care! Good cowgirls keep their calves together Work is for people who don't know how to fish The ten commandments aren't multiple choice I don't deserve self esteem I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you. Proud to be a Democrat Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. Falwell and Robertson don't speak for me! I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it First they burn books then they burn people Ask me about my vow of silence I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. I only look Sweet & Innocent You have the right to remain silent. So please SHUT UP. Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you My other car is also a piece of junk And on the eighth day, God played golf If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back? Conservatives suck A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working Meeting - an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. Not all men are fools. Some are single. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance Death Before Dishonor Nothing Before Coffee Proud to be a Republican I love cats. Want to trade recipes? It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer I'd rather be skiing Hey jerk, you are driving a car, not a phone booth I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. My kid beat up your honor student Love is a 4-letter word It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.