Q:What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A:The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I

A customer (a middle-aged woman) arrived to have a massage from among the fifteen or so blind masseurs. She came with a side-kick who brought along her things from the office. Approaching the line of masseurs waiting for customers, Lady - in a voice quite loud as to be overheard "They are good masseurs these blind people, huh?" Sidekick - "Yes, ma'am" Lady - "But I heard that the blind who are nearly deaf are the best because they can concentrate more on what they are doing." Just then a masseur interjected - "Excuse me, ma'am your voice sounds familiar - Do I know you?" Lady - "No, I don't think so," then excitedly louder, "It is my first time to come here!" Masseur - "You are correct, ma'

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Wizards don't use lightbulbs!

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken." 2. "Someone must've

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon. Senior: Is never out of bed before noon. Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut. Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend. Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class. Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher." Senior: Calls the professor "Bob." Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class. Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away. Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade. Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade. Freshman: Knows a book-full of use

E-Mail Screw-ups. Many Universities, colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the begining or end to make up an e-mail address, i.e. Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (probably not funny to the individual involved). Some examples follow: Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) [email protected] Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) [email protected] George David Blowmer (Drop

அடேய்!டேய் ரொம்ப குளிருது டா சொன்னத செய்டா...!?கொஞ்சம் இருங்கப்பா அதை தான் கூகுள்ல தேடிட்டு இருக்கேன்...என்ன கூகுள் லயா...!?ஆமாப்பா... இதுவரைக்கும் நிலாவுக்கு அமெரிக்கா ரஷ்யா சீனா இந்தியா இந்த நாலு நாடுகள் ராக்கெட்ட அனுப்பி இருக்கு...சரிடா...!நிலாவுக்கு 12 பேர் போய் வந்திருக்காங்க அத்தனை பேரும் அமெரிக்க காரனுங்க...!சரிடா அதுக்கு இப்ப என்ன...!?அதான்பா... நிலாவுக்கு மொத்தமா 72 தடவ ராக்கெட்ங்க போயிருக்கு... ஏழு தடவை மனுஷனுக்கு போய் இறங்கி இருக்காங்க 21 தடவை ரோவர் மாதிரியான ஆராய்ச்சி வாகனம் நிலவில் இறங்கி ரவுண்ட்ஸ் போய் வந்து இருக்கு...அட... இதை ஏன்டா இப்ப என்கிட்ட சொல்லிட்டு இருக்க...!?இருப்பா.. நிலாவுல ஒரு பொருள கொண்டு போய் வைக்கணும்னா தோராயமா 500 கோடி ரூபாய் செலவாகுமாம்... உன்கிட்ட 500 கோடி இ

TWO POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" Walk sideways to the photocopier. While riding an elevator, ga

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothe

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought that a Playstation was a day care place.

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room. "Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said his grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"