One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day. Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil! Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to! That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said: Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!

Yo momma so fat she needs a boomerang to put on her belt

What's a bigamist? A heavy fog in Naples!

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows. Cows who? No, owls hoo, cows moo.

A couple are getting married in a big fancy church with all of the relatives and friends in attendance. The priest is going through the nomal procedure and when he comes to the part "If anyone objects to the union of these two people in Holy Matrimony let them speak now or for ever hold their peace". A redneck in the back row jumps up and hollers "I object, I am in love with her and she's carrying my baby!" As the gathering gasps in surprise the redneck runs up the aisle, shoves the groom aside and rips off the brides veil. After a moment of silence the redneck exclaims, "Hey you ain't my sister!"

If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K9P.

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.

A drunk lay slumped outside a bar, in serious need of a drink. A passing priest and bishop started to lecture him on the evils of alcohol. "You should be more like God, like me," said one. The other argued, "No, my son, more like me. I am more like God." The two holy men then argued over which was more like God. Finally, the drunk interrupted. "I'm more like God than either of you arguing hypocrites, and if you give me ten bucks, I'll prove it!" They accepted his challenge and each handed him five dollars. As the drunk stood, he said, "You two go sit in the bar and when I enter you'll have your proof." The bishop entered first and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Bishop, what'll you have?

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what

How can you tell the difference between a blonde and a red head? Hair color.

A blonde goes into a newsagent's office and asks for her usual paper. The newsagent says, "Did you know your paper is going to cost more from tomorrow?" "In that case, I'd better buy ten more of today's!"