Popular Jokes
- "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren'
When I fly, I go Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a one-way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday... That way you still have the weekend.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I broke a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
The other day, when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a c
The following are headlines that *might* have appeared in papers in the aftermath of Little Bighorn -
Variety: "Custer Closes Out of Town"
Pravda: "Big Red Victory"
Sports Illustrated: "Indians Win Series"
Women's Wear Daily: "Feathers Make Comeback"
Reader's Digest: "Sitting Bull Reveals New Cure for Dandruff"
The Washington Post: "Custer Loses Rural Vote"
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear - no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or t
God was in Heaven and was getting particularly bored. "Oh what can I do?" he exclaimed.
St. Peter came up to him and suggested he take a vacation.
"That's a great idea, but where should I go?" asked God.
"How about the moon?" suggested St. Peter.
"Well, I could, but there's no gravity on the moon," stated God
"Then how about the Earth?"
When St. Peter said this God's eyes widened and he said, "Are you mad? I went there 2000 years ago, met a nice Jewish girl and they're still talking about it!"
Note: This joke only makes sense if you read Space Adventure Part I on this site. A complete set of the Adventures can be found in the FunnyStories Forum.
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I Wally will take it from here!
Part 1. A Space Mission
Point of View: Wally(Junior)
Notes: I'll tell the story. Anything in parenthesse is me talking to you, not what someone said.
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Medical: Oh, sorry.
Me: Whatever.
Senior: HA HA the woman can't remember!(Senior's a meanie I mean Come On!)
Me: SHUT UP!
Pilot: Jake (that's Senior's name) it's not her fault she can't remember. She didn't choose to be female*laughs*!
Medical: Don't make me hurt you!
Jake: Settle down, baby!
...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your
This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.
Please don't tell anyone, this is HOT gossip.
After all the years of shit, it's surprising they are still together! Guess who?
THE BUTTOCKS!
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