Confucius Say: Crowd in elevator smell different to midget.

Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when I was banging her she thought she was getting a threesome!

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff!

*Do You Love As Good As You Look? *Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life *Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure *Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares *How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? *Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral *I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling *I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me *I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart *I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You *I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! *I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win *I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy *I'm Just A Bug On The

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. - S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

Q: How do you get free tickets to a concert fast? A: Bring a gun to the box-office.

How do you know if you're in a gay church? If half the congregation is kneeling!

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on the seventh dwarf? A: A diminished seventh!

Two unemployed guys are talking and onne says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know anything about lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answere this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what are you going to do?" "Well, then I take that big chair, they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with his big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bi

New warning labels for liquor, wine and beer containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what in the world happened to your bra and panties. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. __

Here's the background: Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story). Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it. Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk? Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Me: Is there more milk or coffee? Her: Oh, definitely more coffee. Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk. Her: Just the usual amount of milk. Me: A coffee with milk. Her: Yes. Me: Anything else? Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine? Me: We do have decaf. Her: No, I don't want decaf, ju

You mom's soooo stupid, she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer!