Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says, "My favorite position is the 'rodeo' position." "What is the 'rodeo' position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man. The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and she's really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position too...' Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair. She loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed in the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her. Some of the male residents even joined in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag, pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. Okay," he said. And away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on

A not necessarily well-prepared college student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write?" He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his definitive answer. 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A.

Your breath is so bad, you need a tic-tac the size of a watermelon!

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, men will screw anything.

Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!" Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?" Man 1: "Yes, but only one word." Man 2: "What's that?" Man 1: "Ouch!"

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra. The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?" The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep." The man says, "And the Viagra?" "Keeps him from falling out of bed."

Bill Gates "Notes to self" * Next time my wife says to buy china, she means dishes. * When my son asks for a golf club for his birthday, he means a putter, not a golf course. * When my wife asks for diamonds, she wants ones that will fit on a necklace. * Don't forget to tip the valet who pushes around your cart at the grocery store. * If someone offers you a drink, don't ask when we're eating dinner. * When my daughter asks for an iPod, don't try to buy her the whole company.

A kid was at school when his male teacher was passing out alot of homework. The teacher was named bob. Mr. Bob said ''no help from your mom''. The kid named josh ask ''why can't we have help from are mom ''.Mr.bob replied '' your mom probally be very busy tonight so I will call your mom to make sure you want''.So he decided not to ask his mom for help on his homework. when he got home Mr.bob called his mom. She went to her room. When she got in there was a loud noise and he went in there to see what was the matter.mr.bob was sitn there with his mom.And affter a while mr.bob said ''did you finish your homework''.

After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened his own law office. One day he was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him. "Show him right in!" the lawyer replied. As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!" Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?" "I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two (think about it)