Subject: Students' rights during examinations Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck? If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".

Is your computer male of female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!" Recently a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusions follow: 1. No one but the creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." 4. Even your smallest mistakes are

Dear Mr. Conners, Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then. Sincere

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the pharmacy. I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead The voices told me to clean all the guns today. The dog ate my car keys, so now I have to hitchhike to the vet.

R. B. Jones had just started a government job. Human Resources sent him a letter, instructing him that they needed his full name for their records, otherwise he could not be paid. They enclosed the proper form for him to fill out. R.B. wrote back to explain that he HAS no other names, only the initials R.B. So he filled in the form as follows: First name: R (only) Middle name: B (only) Last name: Jones Sure enough, come payday, R.B. received a pay cheque made out to Ronly Bonly Jones!

Knock-knock Who's there Who Who who I don't know what the heck your talking about but good owl impression.

Knock Knock?? who's there? Hatch Hatch-who? Bless you

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? Yoo hoo, I'm right over here!

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as Soap and Water could get them." He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. The meal was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and called, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

Are you a technical geek? Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes. You know you are a technical geek when . . . When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs

1. You know you're a redneck when you go out with your girlfriend and you don't realize she has her other boyfriend with her. 2. You know you're a redneck when you use a barstool as a walker. 3. You know you're a redneck when your mowing your lawn and you find a car. 4. You know you're a redneck when you fall asleep with one hand down your pants and a beer in the other hand.