If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

How do you know if you're a redneck? If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.

Ah...all the good things we get out of electricity: the T.V., computer, coffee machine, lights, and much more. What happens when the electricity goes out? You stop complaining that you can't watch T.V. or send an E-mail, and go buy battery-powered things!

Original Lyric Put your left foot in, Your left foot out, Your left foot in, And shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey, And turn yourself around That's what it's all about. Shakespearean Style. O proud left foot, that ventures quick within, Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke; A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt. Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

The sexton of the synagogue decided to install a poor box so that the fortunate might share their wealth with the needy. On shabbes eve, he announced to the congregation that a new opportunity for mitzvoh was available. "But," one member complained, "it will be so easy for the goneffs (thieves) to steal from the box." The sexton thought long and hard that night, and announced the next day that he had found a solution. Pointing upward, he showed, the poor box was now suspended from a chain at the ceiling, high, high, high overhead. "But now how do we put money in the box?" The next week, the congregation saw the wonderful solution. A lovely circular stairway now ascended to the poor box makin

கணவர் மனைவிக்கு ஒரு குறுஞ்செய்தி அனுப்புகிறார். நான் ஆஃபிஸில் இருந்து வர லேட்டாகும்! சூடாக சப்பாத்தியுடன் சன்னா மசாலா செய்து வைக்கவும்.மனைவியிடம் இருந்து நோ ரெஸ்பான்ஸ்.அடுத்த மெஸேஜில், எனக்கு தீபாவளி போனஸ் போட்டுட்டாங்க. வராமல் இருந்த இன்ஸெண்டிவ்வும் போட்டுட்டாங்க. தீபாவளிக்கு நீ கேட்ட மாதிரியே பட்டு புடவை எடுத்து தரேன்.மனைவியிடம் இருந்து உடனே பதில், லோட்டஸ் பிங்க் கலர்! அப்படியே நான் கேட்ட டிஸைன் தங்க நெக்லஸையும் மறந்துடாதீங்க.நான் முதலில் போட்ட மெஸேஸ் உனக்கு கிடைத்ததா? என செக் பண்ணதான் ரெண்டாவது மெஸேஜ். போனஸும் போடல! இன்செண்டிவ்வும் வர்ல! சப்பாத்தி, சன்னா மசாலா மறந்துடாத?ங்கொய்யாலே! யாருகிட்ட? எப்படி ஆஃப் பண்ணேனு பார்த்தியா?சற்று நேரத்தில் மனைவியிடம் இருந்து மெஸேஜ்! கோதுமை மாவு தீர்ந்து போ

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. Th

How do you confuse a stupid person? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

A man and his friend are out camping and the first one needs to go to the bathroom and they have no toliet paper so he asks his friend what to do. His friend says just wipe it with your hand and smack it on a rock. So the man does so and smacks his hand on a rock and it hurts him really bad, so to reduce the pain he sucks on his hand.

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations he/she keeps cranking out. Well, here it is: AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement. QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors. TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors. INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors. STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A

My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help. She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"

Once upon a time, there was an elderly couple. Next door, there lived a Peeping Tom. One day, the couple received a phone call. The woman said, "Fred! Peeping Tom tells us to shut the blinds or he'll call the police!"