An engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were on their way to a tech conference on the other side of the mountains. Half way down the other side, the brakes gave out, and the engineer steered for all his life to keep the car from going clean off the edge. It was at the last second, skidding sideways towards doom, that the car finally stopped. One tire dropped over the edge. The three sprang from the car, shaking and panting. The engineer was the first to speak. "We could have been killed! I would like to get under the car and see just what happened to those brakes. Something has to be fixed." The systems analyst agreed. "Yes, but I'd like to see the design blueprints. We could f

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really $well. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. I have $o much $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need. $o if you like, $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love Your $on Dear Son, I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmy, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep an hoNOrs student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can't study eNOugh. Love, Dad

What did the lunch lady say to the boiled egg? You're in hot water now!!!

Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over. "That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?" "Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup to ya later!

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Chugga Chugga Chooch Chugga Chugga Chooch Who? Wheeee!! A train! All aboard!

This Is A True Senior's Moment: An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that is red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Oh, yes," the man said, and then he turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last

Three youngsters are having hot discussion, about whose father is the tallest one. The first one said, "My father is just like statue of Liberty. Your hat will fall off if you look at him" The second one does not want to loose the discussion. He added, "That's nothing! You can not see my father's hands, when he stands up and waves. They vanish in the clouds". The third one, a born winner in the discussion, confidently added, "Did your father's hands feel something, when he was waving in the clouds?" The second one replied confidently that he is going to win the discussion, "Why, certainly, he once told me his hands felt something up in the clouds and he tried to pull that." The third on

Due to high demmand, I will not maker you wait for all 50 states to come out, instead, here is ALL OF THE 51 states of laws. Alabama • A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms. • Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. • An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m. • Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. • Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. • Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate. • Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. • Hunting is not allowed on Sunday. • Ince

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. So you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." _____________________________________________ Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, farts, and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"