An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him. She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina". The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

பைலட் மனைவி: ரொம்ப ஒசரத்தில பறக்கிறதா நெனப்போ..வாத்தியாரின் மனைவி: எந்தலையெழுத்து ஒங்களுக்கு பாடம் எடுத்தே நான் ஓய்ஞ்சி போயிட்டேன்..நடிகனின் மனைவி: ஒங்க நடிப்பையெல்லாம் வேற யார்கிட்டயாவது காமிங்க எங்கிட்ட வேண்டாம்...மின்சார வாரியத்தில் வேலைசெய்யும் கணவனின் மனைவி: ரொம்ப பண்ணுனீங்க அப்புறம் பீஸ புடுங்கி விட்ருவேன் ஆமா ...ஆடிட்டர் மனைவி: எல்லாம் ஞாபகம் வச்சிருக்கேன் ஒருநாள் ஒன்னோட கணக்க தீக்குறனா இல்லையா பார்...டிசைனரின் மனைவி: மூஞ்சில எம் பீச்சாங்கைய வெச்சேன்னு வையி மூஞ்சி ஷேப்பு மாறிடும் ஆமா..வெட்னரி டாக்டரின் மனைவி: மாடு மாறி மசமசனு நிக்காம போயி வேலய பாருங்க ...எஞ்சினியர் மனைவி: எல்லா பார்ட்ஸ்சையும் உறுவிப்புடுவேன் உறுவி ஆமா ...பல் டாக்டர் மனைவி: ஒண்ணு விட்டேன் வையி பல்லு பூராம் தெறிச்சிபுடு

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

The following are 10 ways to tell if you have PMS, 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800-***-****." 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. 8. You're counting down the days until menopause. 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The Motrin bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

R. B. Jones had just started a government job. Human Resources sent him a letter, instructing him that they needed his full name for their records, otherwise he could not be paid. They enclosed the proper form for him to fill out. R.B. wrote back to explain that he HAS no other names, only the initials R.B. So he filled in the form as follows: First name: R (only) Middle name: B (only) Last name: Jones Sure enough, come payday, R.B. received a pay cheque made out to Ronly Bonly Jones!

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Johnny a three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty training and his mother was with him constantly. One day they stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying her taco, the mother smelled something funny, so of course she checked her seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then Mom realized that Johnny had not asked to go potty in a while, so she asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." She kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then she said, "Johnny, are you SURE you didn't have an acciden

I half a spelling checker, It came with my pea sea; It plainly marks four my revue, Mistakes I kin not sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your please two no, Its letter perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew.

Having been raised a Catholic and having gone to church some time in my past, I think these are still verifiable! AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS:

You know you're a redneck when you mow your lawn and find 10 cars.

Your breath is so bad, you need a tic-tac the size of a watermelon!

THE COMMON FART The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren't yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding fart in such a manner that everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with the Common Fart. THE ANXIOUS FART The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the fart to be heard. You may have seen men and women in book stores or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts. They are generally cont

By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks. 1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. 2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time. 3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit int