As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? A: A sweater with pockets

- "Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'" - "I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!" - "Nice Asimov." - "Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody." - "Earth woman, prepare to be probed!" - "I'm the droid you're looking for." - "Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or... well, I'm just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears." - "Hey, baby. I own Microsoft." - "Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'" - "If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you watch me masturbate while I download pictures of Jeri Ryan?"

Q: You know what's gross? A: When you look in a mirror!

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was attempting to cross it when yo mamma got hungry.

Three youngsters are having hot discussion, about whose father is the tallest one. The first one said, "My father is just like statue of Liberty. Your hat will fall off if you look at him" The second one does not want to loose the discussion. He added, "That's nothing! You can not see my father's hands, when he stands up and waves. They vanish in the clouds". The third one, a born winner in the discussion, confidently added, "Did your father's hands feel something, when he was waving in the clouds?" The second one replied confidently that he is going to win the discussion, "Why, certainly, he once told me his hands felt something up in the clouds and he tried to pull that." The third on

Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river A: Fur Traders Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons. Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When u are eating pussy you can still see the asshole in front of you! Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? A: "I'll see you next month." Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience Q: Why don't fem lesbians go on dates? A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've go

கணவர் மனைவிக்கு ஒரு குறுஞ்செய்தி அனுப்புகிறார். நான் ஆஃபிஸில் இருந்து வர லேட்டாகும்! சூடாக சப்பாத்தியுடன் சன்னா மசாலா செய்து வைக்கவும்.மனைவியிடம் இருந்து நோ ரெஸ்பான்ஸ்.அடுத்த மெஸேஜில், எனக்கு தீபாவளி போனஸ் போட்டுட்டாங்க. வராமல் இருந்த இன்ஸெண்டிவ்வும் போட்டுட்டாங்க. தீபாவளிக்கு நீ கேட்ட மாதிரியே பட்டு புடவை எடுத்து தரேன்.மனைவியிடம் இருந்து உடனே பதில், லோட்டஸ் பிங்க் கலர்! அப்படியே நான் கேட்ட டிஸைன் தங்க நெக்லஸையும் மறந்துடாதீங்க.நான் முதலில் போட்ட மெஸேஸ் உனக்கு கிடைத்ததா? என செக் பண்ணதான் ரெண்டாவது மெஸேஜ். போனஸும் போடல! இன்செண்டிவ்வும் வர்ல! சப்பாத்தி, சன்னா மசாலா மறந்துடாத?ங்கொய்யாலே! யாருகிட்ட? எப்படி ஆஃப் பண்ணேனு பார்த்தியா?சற்று நேரத்தில் மனைவியிடம் இருந்து மெஸேஜ்! கோதுமை மாவு தீர்ந்து போ

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with: Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader. Strike while the... bug is close. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time. Never underestimate the power of... termites. You can lead a horse to water but... how? Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty. No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog... math. If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than... the pigs. An idle mind is... the b

Knock-knock Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry it's just a joke

A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello?" "Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." "Son, is there any one there besides you?" the boss impatiently asked the chil