Popular Jokes
3 year old kid: "Guess what? Daddy got you a pway-station!"
7 year old kid: "Really??!! Where is it?"
3 year old: "It's in p-one mile!"
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his ass!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
What is it called when your pet snake doesn't feel right?
-reptile dysfunction.
அடேய்!டேய் ரொம்ப குளிருது டா சொன்னத செய்டா...!?கொஞ்சம் இருங்கப்பா அதை தான் கூகுள்ல தேடிட்டு இருக்கேன்...என்ன கூகுள் லயா...!?ஆமாப்பா... இதுவரைக்கும் நிலாவுக்கு அமெரிக்கா ரஷ்யா சீனா இந்தியா இந்த நாலு நாடுகள் ராக்கெட்ட அனுப்பி இருக்கு...சரிடா...!நிலாவுக்கு 12 பேர் போய் வந்திருக்காங்க அத்தனை பேரும் அமெரிக்க காரனுங்க...!சரிடா அதுக்கு இப்ப என்ன...!?அதான்பா... நிலாவுக்கு மொத்தமா 72 தடவ ராக்கெட்ங்க போயிருக்கு... ஏழு தடவை மனுஷனுக்கு போய் இறங்கி இருக்காங்க 21 தடவை ரோவர் மாதிரியான ஆராய்ச்சி வாகனம் நிலவில் இறங்கி ரவுண்ட்ஸ் போய் வந்து இருக்கு...அட... இதை ஏன்டா இப்ப என்கிட்ட சொல்லிட்டு இருக்க...!?இருப்பா.. நிலாவுல ஒரு பொருள கொண்டு போய் வைக்கணும்னா தோராயமா 500 கோடி ரூபாய் செலவாகுமாம்... உன்கிட்ட 500 கோடி இ
1. Only in America . . . can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America . . . are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America . . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America . . . do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America . . . do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America .
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies,
"BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts cryi
Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"?
Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch.
Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail.
Buck turns to his friend and sings:
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
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