Q) How many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb? A) One, but it takes 3 lightbulbs.

1. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 2. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?" 3. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!" 4. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage". 5. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!" 6. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 7. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?" 8. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 9. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!" 10. Three words: eat the check.

Here is a short story to show you that the stodgy air traffic controllers and the flyers they serve can have a sense of humor: The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

Tom, the fisherman, wrote the following to a mail order catalogue, "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check." A few days later, Tom received the following reply, "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits. "You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to

Little Leroy was at home doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." At that moment, his mother came in and heard that he was cursing. "Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?" Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?" He replied, "Yes." The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in math." The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning

A golfer, encountering a genie, was granted one wish. The man thought a while and said, "Well, I've always been embarrassed by being rather small, if you know what I mean; could you make me larger?" "Done," said the genie and disappeared. Continuing his game, the man noticed an immediate change in his "size." Within several holes, it was down to his knee, and by the eighteenth, it had crept into his sock. After holing his final putt, the man hurriedly returned to where he'd met the genie. "Problem?" inquired the genie. "Yes," the man responded, "Do you think I could trouble you for one more wish?" "And what might that be?" asked the genie. "Could you make my legs longer?"

The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Minnesota quarters. We are recalling all of the new Minnesota quarters that were recently issued, Treasury Undersecretary said in a press conference Monday. This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw. The winning design for the Minnesota quarter was submitted by Sven Petersen of New Ulm, Minnesota. Sven commented, "Apparently, da duct tape holding da two dimes ana nickel togedder keeps yamming da coin-slot."

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him: "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. The witch doctor says: "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says: "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '1-2-3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of

A Buddhist and a Hindu went skydiving together. As they prepared to jump, the Buddhist said, "If anything should go wrong--" "Nothing will go wrong," said the Hindu. "But if it does, God will save me." "Not a chance," the Buddhist said, "Because there IS no God. There is only your Essential Buddha Nature." The Hindu scoffed at this. The pair leaped out of the plane. Halfway down, they discovered that their parachutes wouldn't open. "My God!" screamed the Hindu. "Save me!" But he continued to plummet. Just then he heard the Buddhist say, "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature." Immediately, a giant hand came out of nowhere, cradled the Buddhist in its palm and gently began loweri