Popular Jokes
I know this isn't too funny, but it's one of those simple ones that put a smile on your face.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A: He pulls out his Diners' Club card.
Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam.
This is a true story that happened in a South African hospital.
There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even think it has something to do with the supernatural.
One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it always happens on the Friday mornings. They want to take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Right at the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
1.Keep your lights blinking for a whole hour.
2.Go really slow on a highway.
3.Smile and wave at everyone that you see at a stoplight.
4.Turn your radio up while playing opera music.
5.When stopping at a stop sign run out of your car and look to see if any cars are coming then yell, "It's all clear!"
6.When coming to a speed bump, get out and say "My car won't make it!" then try to push it over the bump.
7.At every stoplight, run out and check your tires and yell, "Don't worry it's OK!"
8.Take a sponge and a bucket of water and pull over to wash the bugs off the car every time you see one.
9.Fill the back seats with plastic bags, put the windows down, and drive around really fast.
10.Change
How to break up a dating couple:
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I dumped your girlfriend last night?
If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish...
He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.
A man said to his golfing friend, "I hit two of my best balls yesterday!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker."
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katherine Hepburn
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." - George Carlin
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? - Satchel Paige
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
My dog is half pit bull, half po
I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking CRAZY risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as "DO NOT BATHE WITH THIS TOASTER".
But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was -- prepare to be shocked -- we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.
I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix r
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