Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!

Doctor: Well I hope you enjoy changing diapers, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Why, Am I pregnant? Doctor: No, you have bowel cancer!

What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.

What do you call a donkey with one leg? A wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye? A winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love? A bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes? A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano? A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do yo

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the mechanic. The mechanic, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have some fun. So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

What do you call the skeleton of a blonde you find in a closet? 1950's Hide-n-seek champion.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish!

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart c

1. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 2. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her. 3. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. 4. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 5. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape. 6. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake

A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello?" "Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." "Son, is there any one there besides you?" the boss impatiently asked the chil

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home. EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one br