Popular Jokes
15 Steps to Build a campfire.
1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers(including those embedded in hand).
6. Light match.
7. Light match.
8. Repeat "a scout is cheerful," and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of flames.
10. Apply Burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovery that fire has gone out during your absence, soak wood with liquid from can labeled "kerosene."
13. Treat face and arms for second degree burns, and relabel your can t
A wise man once said.
I Don't know ask A Girl!
A wise man Once Said.
Life sucks and then we die.
What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem?
"Attention all K-Mart shoppers"
1. You don't suffer from insomnia... you enjoy every minute of it.
2. Your pupils are dialated 24/7
3.*You don't have time for a girlfriend and would rather have a talking frog instead.
4. L337 is a common word in your household.
5. The targeting reticle from halo is permanently burned onto your retina... and you love it.
6. You know the correct pronunciation of MJOLNIR.
7. You have a microwave in your room.
8. Your dog can beat your friends at halo.
9. Your pug, 30 pounds over weight can physically kick your butt.
10. You've memorized the entire halo soundtrack.
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert?
She needed a map.
Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert?
If it got hot she could roll the window down.
How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash?
It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off.
What is the latest health epidemic among blondes?
MAIDS. If they don't get one they die.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth.
Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6
Teacher: Recite your tables to me, Joan.
Joan: Dining table, kitchen table, bedside table...
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katherine Hepburn
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." - George Carlin
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? - Satchel Paige
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
My dog is half pit bull, half po
Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an
Found in micellaneous things.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
I don't have a short attention span, it's just that I-
Etc.:a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.
Without geography, you're nowhere.
When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell him to dribble a football.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernail.
Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who drives like hell, bound to get there.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Crowded elevator smells different
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