Popular Jokes
If I were to be pun-ish-ed
For every little pun I shed
I'd hide me to a punny shed
And there I'd hang my punnish head.
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's ass was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
The other day, I saw my friend with a big puffy red nose.
I asked her what happened and she said, "I stopped to smell a brose," then I said, "wait, there's no b in rose!"
She said, "Well, there was in that one!!
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
"You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked.
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
Far - What get the brandin arn hot.
Furred - He got furred from his job.
Flar - A rose is a purdy flar.
Frash - Them aigs ain't frash.
Furiners - All non-'bamans.
Further - Hits ten miles further to town.
Grain - She was grain with envy.
Hail - Where bad folks go.
Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n.
Hilbilly - People in the next county.
Hollar â What's between the hills.
Hard - Got a brend new hard.
Tar - His core blew a tar.
Laymun - A sour fruit.
Laig - Most folks have two of them.
Lather - What you climb up.
Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin.
Mailk - what you get from cyows.
Mere - What yo
Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table.
On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all."
"But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive.
When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and si
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
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