One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.' The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.' The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.' The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duct tape!' The son insisted that he knew wha

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? Yoo hoo, I'm right over here!

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Brett, a college boy delivered his pizza. "Well," Brett continued, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Brett said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man. And Brett replied, "Applied psychology."

Q: What did the seismologist say when he messed up? A: It's not my fault.

You're so dumb, you drowned when you were bathed in sunlight.

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the l

Men are like... Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like... Government Bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at but not so bright. Men are like... Bank accounts, without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like... High heels, they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

A couple were at the beach watching a volleyball game when they notice a pair of adults nearby kissing passionately, the woman running her hands down the man's arms, massaging erotically while nibbling on his ear. The couple was intrigued yet they don't want to miss the exciting match so the girl asked her boyfriend if she should watch the match or them. The guy replied, "Watch them. You already know how to play volleyball."

If you were any more pointless, you would be a circle.

Two bosses were talking about how dumb their blond assistants are. The first boss says, "You think your assistant is dumb, watch this." And the man calls over the blond and says "Go to my house and see if I'm home." So the blond says "Yes sir! Right away sir!" and away she goes. The second boss says "You call that dumb! Watch this!" So he calls over his blonde assistant and says "Here's a dime, go buy me a car." She replies "Yes sir! No problem!" and away the blond goes. On their way to go do the tasks given to them, they meet up and start talking. The first blond says "My boss is so stupid! He told me to go to his house and see if he's home. I mean, why couldn't he just call and see if

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a litter of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. He kindly asked the boy what kind of puppies they were. The little boy said, "Republicans." The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!" A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hi little boy, what kind of puppies are those?" The boy said, "Democrats." Bush was shocked and crushed. "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!" The boy answered, "Well, then the puppies opened their eyes."

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We`re planning World War III". And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde." The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde! Why kill a blonde?" Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"