Nobody can breathe out of their nose and mouth at the same time. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You know, 95% of the people who read this try to do it...well, it's impossible!!! DUH!!!! (lol)

*Types Password* -Penis ~We're sorry, the password you have entered isn't long enough.

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too sh*t-faced to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face i

Ghetto Test If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score. Scoring is given at the bottom of the test. 1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points) 2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points) 3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points) 4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points) 5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady) 6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points) 7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "To think that right here used to be the Twin Towers." The son, not understanding, asks his father "What were the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them." The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.

Starting from bottom to top, a short explanation of each body parts uses 1. Toe-Object used for balance(do blondes and drunks have toes? Food for thought) 2. Foot-Place in mouth after saying something stupid 3. Shin-Object used for finding furniture in the dark. 4. Pelvic area-pretty self explanatory 5. stomache- stom ACHE... coincidence? I think not. 6. Chest-What I like to talk to. 7.Fingers-Keep away from car doors. 9.Hands... 10. Elbow-I learned to dance after hitting this 11. Shoulder- Common site of burns. 12. Mouth- Place foot here(or other objects) 13. Brain- If you have one you noticed there is no eight. 14.1/2 brain-If you check for it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. A simple

This is not supposed to be funny. I want to make a public apology for the temper tantrum I threw earlier today. I still don't get it but I am sorry for blaming everyone else for my problems. AC3P1L07 P.S. please vote this as funny so more people will see it.

Fun things to do in a Waiting Room- ---------------------------------------------------- 1.) Stand in a doorway and press your arms against the frame. 2.) Take a pencil or pen and make little airplane noises and if anyone notices, stare at them and say, "We've been spotted!" and run around in circles. 3.) Try to get behind the receptionist's counter and when some one comes, pop up, and yell "surprise!" at anyone under 50. (heart attack risk) 4.) Make paper airplanes out of magazine pages. Fly them around the room. 5.) Stare at someone in the room and yell, "It's an agent!" and run out. 6.) Come in dressed as a bum and ask if they have any fried beans. 7.) Repeat the following conversa

Bees can't sting... The woman you like at work said yes... An Irishman walked out of a bar... I met a blonde with a brain... Kids are nice... Is there a Weed League?... Farts and flowers in the same sentence... I like Bill Gates... Lawyers have integrity... The lightbulb finally went on in Al Gore's head... Doctors don't fraternize with their nurses... Woman as president... Bill Clinton told the truth... Jeff Foxworthy in a suit... Priests involved with scandal admit what they did... Golf is not dull... Microsoft is better than Linux... Yo mamma is skinny, smart, and cleanly... People will like this joke... (I have included one for each category)

19 Ways To Annoy/Confuse Santa Claus ---------------------------------------------------------- 1.) Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2.) While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3.) Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. 4.) While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. 5.) Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees