The gap between your teeth is so big, I don't know whether to smile back or kick a field goal.

You are so stupid, you took a ruler with you to bed to see how long you slept!

You're so fat, when you sit around the house, you really sit around the house.

You're so ugly when you go outside your arrested for indecent exposure.

You were so ugly as a baby you were the poster child on the birth control posters.

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 3. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 4. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 5. Forgot to pay his brain bill. 6. A few clowns short of a circus. 7. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. 8. Too much yardage between the goal posts. 9. A few beers short of a six-pack. 10. Dumber than a box of hair. 11. A few peas short of a casserole. 12. One taco short of a combination plate. 13. All foam, no beer. 14. The cheese slid off his cracker. 15. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 16. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. 2 17. Warning: Objects

Christmas Italian Style 'Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my Wonderin' eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin' reindeer! Wit' slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, Don Santa wuz here, And he brought all da loot! Wit' a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name. "Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!" As I drew out my gun And hid by da b

"I never forget a face. However, in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception." -Groucho Marx

People say you are the perfect idiot. I say you are not perfect, but you are doing pretty good.

How do you confuse a stupid person? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

You are so stupid you tripped over a cordless phone! You are so stupid you got locked in a furniture store and sat on the floor! You are so stupid you didn't know how to swim so you got in the fish tank to try and learn!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought I was stupid, Then I met you!