What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?" Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment." Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"

There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic. He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes whack, dang. A bad skydiver goes dang, whack.

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!" Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to