The Pope, a hippie, and George Bush were all on a plane that was crashing. The pilots had already jumped to safety and there were only two parachutes left. Without a moment's hesitation, Bush grabbed a pack, yelled "I'm the most powerful man in the universe! I have to survive!", and jumped from the plane. The Pope, being the generous man that he is, said to the hippie, "You go ahead and take the last parachute. I'm an old man and I have lived a very full life." The hippie thanked the Pope but said, "Don't worry - we'll both be fine. The most powerful man in the universe just jumped off the plane with my backpack."

Economic times were very bad, so the plant owner had a difficult time finding people to work in his new factory. In an act of desperation, he hired a tribe of cannibals. At their orientation he made it very clear that he would not tolerate any acts of cannibalism in the plant. Three months went by without incident, when all of a sudden a secretary disappeared without a trace. The manager rounded up all of the cannibals. "If I find out that one of you ate the secretary," he said, "I'm going to fire all of you!" and with that, stormed out of the room. After he left the room, one of the cannibals stood up and said, "This is a disgrace! For months we've been eating managers and no one has e

Jim is in a hot-air balloon, completely lost. He sees a man in a field below and flies down to him. "Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am?" The man in the field replied "You're in a balloon." Jim said "You're an engineer, aren't you?" "Why yes, I am. How did you know?" "Because you gave me a perfectly logical, yet completely useless answer." Jim continued flying, when he saw another man in a field. "Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where I am?" he asked. "Well, you're about two miles north of Ogdenville. If you go to the west side of town you'll find an airstrip that you can safely land on." Jim replied "Thank you very much, sir. That was extremely helpful. Say, I'l

An Engineering Major says "How does it work?" A Science Major says "Why does it work?" An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?" A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has got to WANT to change.

A man was sitting next to the Pope on a cross-country flight. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. He turned to the man and asked "Do you know a four-letter word for 'woman' that ends in U-N-T?" The man thought for a minute and said "Aunt." "Oh yes, of course," the Pope replied. "Do you have an eraser?"

A brunette was walking down the middle of the street, saying "34...34...34" over and over again. A blonde stopped her and asked why she was doing that. "Oh, it's great fun," replied the brunette. "You should try it". So the blonde walked down the street repeating "34...34...34..." when all of a sudden a car sped by and ran her over. The brunette then started walking down the road again, saying "35...35...35..."

How can you tell if a blonde woman has been dating? By the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.

What does a blonde say when she loses her virginity? "So are you guys all on the same team?"

How many lawyers does it take to shingle the roof of a house? It depends on how thin you slice 'em.

Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf? He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.

A polar bear walked into a bar and said "Can I please have a gin and............................................tonic?" The bartender replied "Sure, but why the large pause?" "I don't know, I've always had them!"