Superman was bored one day; he goes to see Batman, and he asks, "Do you want to go save the world?" "Sorry" Batman said. "Spring cleaning at the Batcave," so Superman goes to see the Green Lantern. "You wanna save the world?" he asks. "Can't, ring has been acting up," Lantern said. Then, flying around the city, Superman sees Wonderwoman sitting on top of a building totally naked. Superman thinks to himself, knowing that he could fly down there, do his business and be gone before she realized what happened.(He doesn't last very long), so he decide to go for it, flies down, has his fun, and is gone. Wonderwoman asks, "What's wrong, Invisible Man?" "I don't know but my ass hurts like he

The farmer had 3 daughters; Flo, Betty, and Sam. Each girl had a date that night, but being the overprotective father that he was he had to meet the guy first. so sitting there in his chair with a shotgun he meets the guys. the first walks up and says "Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to see the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer allows them to go off, and the next boy comes up. "Hey, my name is Petty, I'm here for Betty, we're getting spaghetti is she ready?" The Farmer allows them to go. Now the last guy comes up. "Hi, I'm Chuck..." and BAM the farmer shoots him

Have you heard the joke about the blind gynecologist? She could "read lips."

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I've never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I've never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear . . . "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you j

A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels . . . Helllloooo!!! . . . bottles won't fit in printer!!! March – Got really excited . . . finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months . . . box said "2-4 years!" April – Trapped on escalator for hours . . .power went out!!! May – Tried to make Kool-Aid . . .wrong instructions . . . 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June – Tried to go water skiing . . . couldn't find a lake with a slope. July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition . . . learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August – Got locked

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all about to jump off a cliff. As they jumped, they would yell the name of what they wanted to turn into. The redhead went first. She yelled, "Hawk!" and she turned into a hawk and flew away. The brunette went next. She yelled, "Butterfly!" and she turned into a butterfly and flew away. The blonde went last. As she was about to jump, she tripped, and yelled, "Crap!" As she fell, she turned into a piece of poop.

This is what happen to a boy and his father: Son: dad i want to marry. Father: who do you want to marry? Son: your mother. Father: why do you want to marry my mother? Son: because you also marry my mother. :)

A lecturing teacher noticed a lack of enthusiasm in her class. Few were paying attention so she decided to make an announcement, "The person to answer this next question gets to go home." The students were all brought to attention and a buzz went over the room. Suddenly, a male student grabbed his bag nd threw it out the window. The entire class went quiet. The teacher said, "Who did that?!" with a sense of anger behind her voice. "Me," the male student replied. "Now I can go home for answering your question." So he walked out of the classroom.

Lady on telephone: "Hello sir, I want to meet & talk to you. You are the father of one of my kids." Guy (stunned!): Are you Sandra? No. Jenny? No. Amy? No. Betty? No. Lady (in confusion): "No sir, I'm your son's class teacher."

Girl eagerly asks her boyfriend "Where is my birthday gift?" The boyfriend points to a sports car across the street and says "You see that beautiful and expensive Ferrari on the other side of the road?" Girl gets excited and screams, "Yeah!" Boy, also excitedly, says, "Well, I got you the same color nail varnish!"

I used facebook for a few days and got addicted to it. I've been studying since I was 6. Why the hell am I not addicted to it?