3 year old kid: "Guess what? Daddy got you a pway-station!" 7 year old kid: "Really??!! Where is it?" 3 year old: "It's in p-one mile!"

Teenager: Dad, did you hear that Jake broke up with Taylor? Dad: Oh no, another album.

Ivan Vakinov Kotcha Vakinov Isenya Vakinov

Our new greengrocery is now starting! We feature lead-free gasoline, phosphorus-free washing powder, fluorine-free refrigerator, ..., and iodine-free salt.

It's so easy, it makes pie look hard.

Yo momma's like Geico: so easy a caveman could do it.

Yo momma is so fat that when she rolled offa the bed, she rolled off BOTH sides. Yo momma is so fat that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck. Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter. Yo momma's so fat that when she wears a red shirt all the kids go "koolaid! koolaid!" Yo momma's so fat that when I swerved to miss her, I ran outta gas. Yo momma's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I had to stop and ask for directions. Yo momma has so many chins that she keeps a bookmark in her mouth so she can remember where to stuff the food. yo mama is so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch xD Yo moma's like a baby she sucks everything in sight Yo

Dick Hurtz (Yeah, we heard ya.) Dick Assman (I wish that last name was superhero name.) Teola doing the Hula to Hawaii (The New Zealand girl who had that name got rid of it in court.) Rusty Kuntz (Ouch.) A. Fucks (Sorry forgot the first name.) (A Brazilian soccer player's name.)

Your mother used to go fishing in the Pacific ocean, but now she goes fission there.

Yo Mamma soo fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose

I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones _____________________________ Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can't say lisp? Ben: Really?.. Lisp, Max: Ben you don't have a lisp -.- _____________________________ They make up some excuse about an over-time relationship thing. You mean long distance? _____________________________ shut up you criticism _____________________________ You know max, you get what you dish out and if you don't like it get out of the kitchen. _______________________________ I think it's a spiff or something! ********************************* Okay but you can't wake up on pur

A guy walks into a bar right at the top of the Grand Canyon. Another patron comes up to him and says "did you know the air currents in the canyon are so strong you can jump off and they pull you right back up?" "What?!" the man said "you must be drunk." "No really, watch this!" and he jumps into the Grand Canyon, and WHOOSH! flies back up. "That was amazing!" the second man said so the first guy does it again. Finally the second guy decides it really does work and goes for it. He jumps off and splatters on the ground. The first guy returns to the bar and the bartender says "Damn, Superman, you sure are a jerk when you're drunk."