Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the summer. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, she lives in Ohio."

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

A waitress at a restaurant that David worked at had a change of clothes stolen from the break room. To make matters worse, she'd planned on wearing them to the Christmas party. As a brand-new employee, David knew none of this backstory, so you can imagine his surprise when the found a note on the employees' community board saying: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes."

Real headline: "Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply for Job in Braille"

Ben never saw action on his high school football team. One day, the assistant coach gave him a pep talk. "Remember, Ben," he told him, "everyone on this team has an important role. There is no 'I' in 'team'." "True," said the boy. "But there is a 'Ben' in 'bench'."

The pressure of a workday can bring out the weirdness in people. Possibilities for stupidity are endless. Here are some real conversations: Boss: "You make too many mistakes! You're not very consistent." Cube Dweller: "Well, you can't be consistent all the time." Cashier: "And what form of payment will you be using today?" Customer: "Money." Office Manager: "Where were you yesterday?" Peon: "I was at my cousin's funeral." Office Manager: "Why? Did she die?"

For those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best. Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can. After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

Two mice were waiting for the right time to get out of their mouse hole, because a cat was meowing on the other side. After a few minutes, the meowing stopped and was replaced by the "woof, woof!" of a dog. Thinking it was okay to come out, the mice crawled out of their hole and were pounced on by the cat. After its meal, the cat said, "I always knew learning a second language would come in handy."

An old couple had been married for fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, the man took the woman on a trip, and they were to stay at an upscale hotel. When they got there, the woman told the bell boy, "This is an awful hotel. Why is it upscale? No windows, no bathroom, no air conditioning." "But, madam!" the bell boy protested. "Don't 'but madam' me," the lady said. "This is one of the worst hotels I've ever even tried to stay at. I'm going to report it to your manager." "But, madam!" the bell boy persisted, "this isn't your room, this is the elevator."

This comes from an elderly man that spoke with me in a waiting room once. "I don't like these places," he said, "They're always trying to find out what you're thinking. "But I was nifty, I got around her, see. I had a way around it." He looked at me and continued. "She asked me if I was hearing voices, and I said 'Yes, ma'am, I hear you talking to me right now.' And when she asked if I felt like hurting myself or anybody else, I said 'No m'dear, but I really am going to hurt the next person who asks me that question.'"

A few weeks ago, my Health teacher set up a competition, saying the winning group would win an extra credit point. We were separated into five groups; water, electricity, food, paper, and gas. Each group had to come up with at least twenty ways to preserve their element. The group that came up with the most solutions would win the extra credit point. Near the end of the of the class, the teacher had reported that there were two winning teams; electricity, and gas. They had tied equally with very good responses. The teacher then said that both of those teams would need to come up with a final way to preserve their element, and whoever had the best one, would be determined the winner. "

Little Emma is watching her mother preparing their dinner – this week it's Salt Beef. Emma watches her mother slice off both ends of the joint and place it in a saucepan ready for cooking. Emma asks, "Why did you cut both ends off, Mum?" Her mother pauses for a few seconds, then replies, "That's a good question, Emma. It's what my mother always did when she made Salt Beef and I just do the same, but I've no idea why. Let's phone Granny and ask her." So they phone granny and ask why she always sliced the ends off the Salt Beef before cooking. Granny replies, "You know, I'm not sure why – that was the way I always saw my mother make Salt Beef." Because they are now very curious, they v