I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint. At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

Knock-knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!

If you are inventing something, the best way for it to work is to give it a job.

The similarity of all the people that live is that they are alive and they are living.

If Jesus was born on the computer age, he would just use the internet to spread his word unlike his time, he needs to journey across the world.

Freddy:May I please use the telephone for a while? Lady Flora:Yes, you may. Then Freddy saw a poster of Jollibee. There it says that the only telephone number you may dial in Rhode Island if you want to talk to them is: 626-999-626. Freddy called that number. Freddy:626-999-626. Jollibe Customer Service:Hello, Jollibee customer service here. What do you want to order. Freddy: One piece Chicken McDonalds and any coffee by Figaro please. Then Freddy ran away because he was afraid what the customer service will say.

Maria went to the telephone booth to make her second insult call. She payed the telephone booth owner. Then she dialed: ABC-DEF-GHI. "Hello! May I take your order, please?" the Figaro delivery service said. "I want to order all the kinds of sushi you have, and please don't forget the chopsticks." Maria replied. "Looks like we have another insult call."

It is really insulting when someone from the Greenwich restaurant see you eating a pizza from Pizza Hut.

I was walking down the road and saw a sign which read, "SIDEWALK AHEAD CLOSED. PLEASE USE OTHER SIDE OF ROAD". Oooh, it made me cross!

What's better than going to school? Having play time every day!

Why did the limping man sit on a scorpion? He thought that it would be "pinched"!

Viola jokes are jokes usually insulting violas and violists, since they are, generally speaking, the most unpopular instruments. Please forgive me if you are a violist, but truly, there are just some good ones out there. :P Q: What is the difference between a viola and an onion? A: No one cries when you cut up a viola. Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You have to take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline. Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A: (1) The viola burns longer, (2) The viola holds more beer, and (3) You can tune the violin. Q: A viola burns longer than a violin; that's common sense. But why can it burn longer? A: It's usually s