Top Jokes
Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, a crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostles. "Paul... Paul," He calls out.
Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. "Yes, Jesus, how may I serve you?" he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying, "No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!"
Jesus once again calls his name. "Paul . . . Paul", he calls. Paul, determined, goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same guard who this time cuts off his le
Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from
How many ventriloquists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to holg ge gottong og ge lagger.
What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end?
1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived assassination attempt)
And to think that we had two guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000!
Who is the greatest prostitute in history? Ms.Pacman For 50 cents she'll swallow balls until she dies.
A professional photographer, at a friend's house for dinner, was asked to show his portfolio from a recent overseas trip.
His friends were quite impressed.
"What wonderful photos!" said the host's wife. "You must have a very expensive camera."
The photographer just smiled and waited until after dinner, when he said, "Thank you for the delicious meal. You must have very *expensive* pans!"
A midget walks into a bar and trips over some sh*t left on the floor.
Luckily no one saw him, so to avoid embarrassment, he doesn't make a fuss about it. So he goes to bar and orders a drink.
A few minutes later a big fella comes to the bar and trips over the same piece of sh*t.
The midget smiles and says, "I just did that".
So the big fella comes over to the midget and knocks him out.
Fill in the blank:
The one who says it cannot be done should never _________ the one who is doing it.
Interrupt.
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