A 6'4" man hit a midget in the rear while at a red light. The midget gets out of his car and comes up to the man and says, "I'm NOT happy!" and the man replied, "Which one are you, then?"

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?" "Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it." "If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body." "Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown." "Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow." "Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries." "Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along." "The father gives the mother

As most young, weak, and smart kids are, Ken was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just made his life downright miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he figured out what would get them back, he went all out. He was on the bus where he normally got his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth making it obvious to the rest of the kids as possible by making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched th

It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan offices of the notoriously anti-Semitic car-maker, Henry Ford. "Mr. Ford," announced Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, "we have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry." Ford looked skeptical, but their threats to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person." After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to enter a black car that was parked in front of the building. Norman Greenberg, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. "Please step inside Mr. Ford." "What?" shout

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is asked to make a statement. "Okay, Phillips," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened?" "Well, it's like this. Old Fred Wilson was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." "He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?" "About 20 years, sir." "Twenty years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room! I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done." "It was, sir."

Yo Momma so heavy that she sank the Titanic. Yo Momma so stupid that she came up to George Bush and called him gay and Hitler #2. Yo Momma so old that she saw Abraham Lincoln die. Yo Momma so slow that she was mistaken for a rock. Yo Momma so stupid that she thinks she's a man! Yo Momma so weak that when she walks into a bar they have to feed her like a baby!

There was a king who was memorizing a script to tell everyone in the land that everyone got free chocolate. But really it was filled with poison to kill them all. A guard walked by and said in a whisper, "Remember it is filled with poison, but do not say it is filled with poison. Understand?" The King responded, "Yes, I do." The king was deaf in one ear so he often times missed what people say. He walked up to the microphone. He said, "I know you all love delicous chocolate. So I've decided to give you all special gift. Who want's to know?" Everyone hollered out "I do!" So the king hollered, "Okay then! Free Poisonous Chocolate for all!"

A busdriver was driving 50 kids to camp. They were passing a big deep lake that was beautiful and cyan. One kid asked the nice busdriver, "Can we go in that lake?" The busdriver replies "sure. can you swim?" The kids say, "Yes but only in very, very shallow water." The busdriver never saw this lake before, he thought it was shallow. People nearby were stunned to see a bus full of kids turn and drive right into the lake.

My friend works in a post office. One day, a man handed ten postcards to my friend and ask her to put them in the mailbox. She noticed that they had all been addressed but none of them contained a message, so she asked the man why the postcards nothing written on them. The man said, "I told everyone that I'd send postcards, but I didn't say I'd write a message."

A bachelor asked his friend to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities." Without thinking, his friend replied: "Marry a penguin."

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - W. C. Fields.

My grandson is four and can recite the whole Gettysburg Address. Abraham Lincoln couldn't do it until he was fifty-four. - Sam Levenson.