My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut First child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again. Second child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to comfort the pain. Third child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of minutes, we should go o

Chapters In The "Nascar For Dummies" Book: How To Read It's Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia Jumpin', Hollerin' & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief? Remember - Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy Better Places to Put the Grill Than Next to the Winnebago's Propane Tank Brakes Are For Sissies Advanced Technical Terms - "Yeeeehaww!" "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!" How To Say "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments How to Drive in a Circle 500 Times Without Getting Dizzy Them Cars Are Fast - And LOUD!

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and f

Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat." Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you here on the bus. Am I glad to see you! Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired!" The sedate gent looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it turned itself in.

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering; and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

The Revised Miranda Rights Version 3 You are under arrest and.... 1. No, I don't care who you are. 2. No, I don't care who you know. 3. Yes, you DO pay my salary. 4. Yes, you CAN have my job. 5. No, I don't have anything better to do. 6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes. 7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race). 8. No, I cannot give you a break. 9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________. 10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call. 11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again. 12. No, we can't talk about it. 13. Yes, it DOES make me happy. 14. Yes, you WILL see me in court. Thank you, have a nice day. Your Arrestin

Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died? 10 - five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?" Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 35?" "SIXTY-SEVEN mph, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop. "But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?" Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fa

How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God only knows what has happened WinErr: 00A Promotional literature