A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse's visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen. "Don't panic," said the town mouse, "Leave this to me." Marching up to the cat she said, "Bow wow wow wow! The cat turned and ran from the room. "How did you do that?" asked the country mouse. "Like I told you," said the town mouse, "it pays to learn a second language."

There were three guys on the C.N. tower and the tour guide told them that if either one of them could throw their watches over the side and run down and catch it, they would win 1 million dollars. The first guy threw his watch over and when he got down, it was shattered into a million pieces. The same thing happened to the second guy. The third guy threw his watch over, went home and got a shower, had his dinner, and came back and caught his watch. The all wondered how he did it and he said, " I set it two hours slow"

The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I thin

One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and go to bed" Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted. So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours, one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and harder. George sputters out "What are you bawling about?" The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied... "My wife's first husband."

A Blonde is getting on an elevator and meets a gentleman on board. "T.G.I.F." she says. "S.H.I.T" was his reply. Puzzled she replied "T.G.I.F" The gentleman was getting a little disturbed the the remark, so he says again. "S.H.I.T.". The Blonde leans over and whispers "THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY". The gentleman responses with "SORRY, HONEY IT'S THURSDAY".

Two guys own a zoo. To their angst their lone female gorilla goes into heat. Knowing she will be violent if not looked after they take her to a vet for advice. He says she needs to be bred by a male gorilla. Knowing they can't find a male they weigh their options. One says to the other, hey that guy that cleans the cages is kind of crazy, maybe he'll do it. They ask him if he'd do it for $500. He asks for some time to think about it. The next day he comes back to the guys and says he'll do it on three conditions. 1) No commitments, once it's done it's over. 2) If there is any kids I'm not responsible. The two say O.K. no problem, what's your third condition? Well h

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter 2. Log off: Don't add no more wood 3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove 4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck 5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to much firewood 6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood 7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter 8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire" 9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside 10. Screen: What to shut in fly season 11. Byte: What flies do 12. Bit: What the flies did 13. Mega Byte:

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a quarter, boogers came out of George Washington's nose.

What did the Lawyer name his daughter? Answer: Sue

Can you go skinny dippin' if you're fat? Is it possible to fight on a luv seat? If you drink tap water can you tap dance? by:lilpapa92

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back