A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry."

-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her. -Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole. -Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides. -Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus. -Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code. -Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona... -Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up. -Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house. -Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!" -Your mom is so fat, we get a

You know your joke is bad when.... - All the comments rated -2 or less are the ones that say they actually like it. - There AREN'T any comments at all. - People ask if you are boring in real life. - It was so "not funny", that it was actually funny. And last but not least - There are absolutly NO duplicates of your joke because it was so bad. (I wonder if I can say the same for this)

"Grade inflation," where assigned grades creep higher and higher, is a concern for teachers. What's the logical limit of grade inflation? F - Student appears to be a multicellular organism. D - Student has mastered many autonomic bodily functions. C - Student can operate a writing instrument without harming self or others. B - Student is able to form a complete sentence, on the second or third try. A - Student has marginal to excellent understanding of the course material.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, (well shyness anyway)

A Girl went up to her mother and asked, "Mum, is Amsterdam a swear word?" "No, why?" She asked. "Is Rotterdam a swear word?" she asked. "No, why?" her mother repeated. "Well, I heard little sister talking behind my back after I showed her my lollipop, and she said 'I hope that that lollipop rot her damn teeth!'"

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy. Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will. At his lawyer's office, he threw his will on the table and said, "This needs an heircut."

Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow." Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Turtle." Mr. Turtle shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Turtle - Absolutely nothin' and loving it." Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Turtle, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?" Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Turtle lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing. In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him. The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely N

Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you're at a big, high-class casino. At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.