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-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her. -Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole. -Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides. -Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus. -Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code. -Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona... -Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up. -Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house. -Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!" -Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower. -Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks. -Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps. -Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family. -Your mom is so fat, she bungee jumps and goes straight to hell. -Your mom is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck. -Your mom is so fat, she uses the Freeway as a Slip 'n' Slide. -Your mom is so fat, when she wears white, she looks like the Michelin man. -Your mom is so fat, when she wears red, she looks like the Kool-Aid man. -Your mom is so fat, when she wears an "X" helicopters land on her. -Your mom is so fat, she's still waiting for someone to fill the Grand Canyon so she can take a bath. -Your mom is so big, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain. -Your mom is so big, she uses the Statue of Liberty as a tooth pick. -Your mom is so stupid, it takes her an HOUR to make MINUTE Rice. -Your mom is so stupid, she got locked up in a bathroom and pissed in her pants. -Your mom is so stupid, she tried to steal free samples. -Your mom is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it. -Your mom is so stupid, she has no feet and complains her shoes are too tight. -Your mom is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone. -Your mom is so stupid, she set the VCR for 2 hours to record 60 minutes. -Your mom is so stupid, she asked me "What does Yield mean?" and I said, "Slow down." And she said, slowly, "W H A T D O E S Y I E L D M E A N ?" -Your mom is so old she farts dust. -Your mom is so old the milk in her tits is expired. -Your mom is so old, Moses is in her yearbook. -Your mom is so old, she owes Jesus a quarter. -Your mom is like a fire hydrant, on every corner. -Your mom is like a screwdriver, everyone gets a turn. -Your mom is like a doorknob, everyone gets a Turn. -Your mom is like a hardware store, 5 cents a bolt, 10 cents a screw. -Your mom is like a gas station, pump first then pay. -Your mom is like Burger King , "Your way right away." -Your mom is like IBM, "Solutions for a small planet." -Your mom is like Timex , "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' " -Your mom is like the Eagles Theater, 75 cents on Thursdays. -Your mom is like 7-Eleven, open 24 hours. -Your mom is like McDonalds, "Serving Millions." -Your mom is like Pringles, "Once you pop, you can't stop." -Your mom is like Taco Bell, "59, 69, 79" -Your mom is like Dominos, "Hot, Wild, Now." -Your mom is like a railroad, laid all over the country. -Your mom is like the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going... -Your mom is so stingy, she got a job at the 99 cent store just so she can get a 50% discount. -Your mom's teeth are so brown, she spits Yoo-hoo. -Your mom is so fat, when she was a kid she could only play seek. -Your mom is so old she got a kickstand. -Your mom's house is so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza. -Your mom's so old she only has two teeth, and they're both in her pocket! -Your mom's so stupid, she thought a paramedic was two doctors. -Your mom's old, she has an autographed version of the Bible. -Your mom's so fat it took five UFOs to abduct her. -Your mom is so fat she has to wear Levi's 1002s. -Your mom is so fat, when she dances the band skips. -Your mom's so old, when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick. -Your mom's so stupid, she tried to change the channel on a TV dinner. -Your mom's so old, she reminisces when she reads the bible. -Your mom is so fat, elephants throw peanuts at her. -Your mom's so ugly, when she's on he beach the tide won't come in! -Your mom's so fat, she gets a hang over just from sitting in a bar stool. -Your mom's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her. -I went to your house, kicked the door, and your mom came out barking.