You know your are in Alaska when you go to court and they ask you where you were on the night of October to April!

Yo momma so bald, I can read her mind

Can a mane date the sister of his widow? No, because you can't date when you are dead.

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

Once, there was a blonde who called her boyfriend and said, "Baby, I'm working on this puzzle and it's really hard. Can you come and help me?" He asked what it looked like and she replied saying that there was a tiger on the box. The boyfriend was convinced to come over and help. She welcomed him at the door and showed him the mess of pieces on her coffee table. After observing the peices, the boyfriend said, "Okay, sweetie, let's sit down, relax, have some coffee, then can we please put the frosted flakes back in the box?"

D.A.R.E. sadly doesn't stand for Drugs Are Really Excellent.

Yo momma so stupid she asked to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune and said "S"

Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason's 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3x3 piece of paper. It had the word "Homework" crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs) "What is this?" The mother said inquiringly. "Its a no homework pass mommy! I raised my hand the most in class. All you have to do is sign it and I dont have to do any homework for tonight!" says Johnny excitedly! 'Well thats a good thing to keep kids interested in the subject and class participation. I bet this teacher's been teaching for quite a while!' thought his mother as she signed the slip for him. So the next d

- You're so stupid, you got locked inside a grocery store and starved to death! - You're so big, you play pool with the planets! - You're so fat, when you went outside in yellow clothes, someone screamed, "TAXI!" - You're so big, when you go to the movies, you sit next to everybody! - You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your parents. - You're so stupid, the three stooges use you as an inspiration!

A judge frowns at the criminal report of the man he is judging. He asks, "So you robbed the same store on three successive nights?" The robber replies, "Yes your honor." The judge, even more perplexed asks, "And why was that?" "Because my wife wanted a dress," says the robber. The judge checks with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!" "Yes sir. She made me exchange it twice."

What kind of sneakers do chickens wear? Re-bok-bok-bok-bok-bok.

Mr. Smith: "So, Mr. Jones, how's your son John?" Mr. Jones: "He's at Harvard right now." Mr. Smith: "Oh, really?! Well, congratulations! What's he studying?" Mr. Jones: "Oh, he's not studying anything. They're studying him."