Yo momma is so fat she needs to lose weight.

1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wrong 2) Who are you with? - Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP - Kum Hai Nao 4) Stupid Man - Dum Gai 5) Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Band Mai Ni 8) It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim 9) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching 10) This is a tow away zone - No Pah Ding 11) Our meeting is next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao 12) Staying out of sight - Lai Ying Lo 13) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka

You can hear mimes. You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night. The Sun is too loud. Teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies. You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. You can skip without a rope. Trees start chasing you. Know Someone Who's Stressed Out... Or You Just Want To Make Laugh? Pass This Forward Along Today!

Message from www.dating.com: Your dating ad has been on the net for 8 weeks without any answer! Do you rather want us to try one week without a picture?

You're a.. January- talented February- lowlife March- immature April- wild May- exciting June- weird July- selfish August- hot September- scary October- messed up November- cool December-sexy Now pick the color shirt you have on Pink- cupcake sales person Blue- hooker Red- bartender Green- Celebrity Purple- Mc Donalds worker White- slut Yellow- taxi driver Black- chef Orange- homeless Gray- stripper No shirt- millionare Other- toe nail clipper LAST...the day you were born 1- that loves food 2- that hates kids 3- that needs attention 4- that is a murderer 5- who sucks at reading 6- who strips to pay for bills 7- who kills kids 8- who goes to dunkin donuts everyday 9- that loves laguna

* This is a good reminder, for all of us. You can never read this too many times!! 1. Tip from police: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough, USE IT! 2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into thei

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said. Just remember...if the world didn't ****, we'd all fall off. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Br

Two contracters were building a house. While they were sawing a board, the saw slipped and cut of one of the contracter's ears off. They were looking through the sawdust and one contracter came up with the ear. He asked his co-worker, "Is this it?" The other one said "No, mine had a pencil behind it!"

Former First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker." Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances." Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?" Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can." Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth." Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Q: How do you keep a cheepskate busy? A: Put him or her in a round room and tell them that you droped a $20 bill in the corner.

One day Tommy was sitting in class, the teacher came over and told him to go out in the hallway. He got mad and he didn't move. Five minutes later, she came back over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "I thought I told you to go out in the hallway." "I did," He told her lying through his teeth. "Ok then, so what did you do with your gifts?" she asked. "What gifts?" "Your mom was outside in the hallway holding some gifts for you for your birthday, did you not see her or were you lying to me?" So he ran outside the class but his mom was gone. He was very upset but as he was walking back into the class, the teacher said, "Gotcha, that will teach you to d