Did you know that the goverment finds Native American chiefs more important than presidents? The new head on Mt. Rushmore is at least twice the size of the others. It's the head of an Indian!

This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her." Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay

What did the sick pony say to its mother? I'm a little hoarse.

A woman goes for her pelvic exam. While the doctor is doing the exam, he notices bikini tan lines, and she has sandals on that say "hecho en mexico" (made in mexico). So he casually asks her, "So did you enjoy your trip to Mexico?" She sits up a little and stares at him with this look of disbelief. "You can tell that just from a pelvic exam?!?!?"

A nurse was giving a patient a check up and came to the task of taking his temperature. So the patient came in and she told him to take his pants and boxers off so he hesitantly did so. She then put somthing in his butt. She had some time, so she went to the bank and was going to withdraw some cash. As she went to get her pen to sign the reciept, she took out the rectal themometer.

Here is a list of some really stupid laws I've seen: Alaska- You can't wake up a sleeping bear, just to take its picture. Florida-Unmarried women may not parachute on Sundays. Idaho- You can't fish from the back of a camel. (Who has a pet camel in Idaho anyway?!?) Oklahoma-Whaling is illegal. (hint-there aren't any oceans or whales in Oklahoma!) You also can't sleep on a refrigerator OUTDOORS, although it is perfectly legal to sleep on your refrigerator in public, as long as you are indoors. Baldwin Park, California- You can't (and why would you?) ride bicycles in swimming pools. Houston, Texas- You can't sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. Lexington, Kentucky- You can't carry an ice

A dumb list for dumb laws: Australia 1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them. 2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle. 3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar. England 1. Those wishing to use a television must apply for a license. 2. It is illegal to leave baggage unattended. 3. Picking up abandoned baggage is as act of terrorism. France 1. Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of the music in the radio must be by French composers. Thailand 1. It is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear. 2. You must wear a shir

"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress. "Just the chicken." The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup. "Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal. "Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger. "You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover. "Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola. "Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?" "Do you get rice with your fried rice?" "I'm sorry, we o

Have you ever heard of the kissing shield? No? then look at this list of crazy inventions people just like you made; Kissing shield Face bake Horse diaper Whopper wheels Skateboard pirate Light bulb changer Beach boots Remote controlled horse Flying bike Baby bottom art Pump power Dummy chicken farmer Airplane moisturizer Alarm fork All terrain stroller Aqua swing Baby cage Ball blinders Banana head BIRD CAT TRAP FEEDER Boob tube Boatless water skiing Hijacker detector And many more dumb inventions soon to come. Be watching!

Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No, I don't have any idea." "Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods' crate and start the process all over again." She di