What's a ghost's least favorite room in a house? -The living room

Knock-knock Who's there? Olive Olive who? Olive you!!!

Why did the kid walk backwards to school? Because it was back to school day!

How do spell mousetrap with only three letters? C-A-T

Once there was this Australian guy, an English guy, and an American guy. They all went into a furniture store to by a chair that played music when you sat on it (aka musical chair). The next day the Australian guy comes back and says he wants to return the chair. When the clerk asks why he says it's too hard, so the clerk gives him his money back. The day after that the English guy comes back and says he wants to return the chair and again when the clerk asks why, he says it was too hard. So the clerk gives him his money back. The next day the American guy comes back and asks to return the chair. The clerk, getting somewhat annoyed by this time, says, "Let me guess, it's too hard right?" The

One eye says to the other eye, "Between you and me, something smells."

Where does a judge eat lunch? At the food court!

Why did 3 blonds jump off the building? To see if their maxi-pads had wings!

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks 1. [xxx] is not food. Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear i

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... * Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. * She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date." * Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears. * Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. * Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. * Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo. * Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. * Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. * Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. * She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. * Your cow joins the He