Signs Your Cow Has Mad-Cow Disease

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... * Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. * She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date." * Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears. * Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. * Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. * Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo. * Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. * Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. * Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. * She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. * Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket. * Your cow starts smoking her grass rather than eating it. * Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards. * Your cow insists that she can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding her Hershey bars. * Your cow asks you to brand her again, but only if you'll wear something sexy this time. * Your cow purposely blinds herself with a dart and yells "Bullseye!" * Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar." * Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows. * Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out her nose. * You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago. * Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows' cuds. * Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme, if she had a really good run at it.