1st man: My son was born on Saint David's day, so I called him David. 2nd man: My son was born on Saint Patrick's day, so I called him Patrick. 3rd man: Well, my son was born on Shrove Tuesday, so I called him Pancakes.

How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger? Punch him in the nose. What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have in common? They both look like the work of a butcher. If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents? Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade. Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair? He won't pay her $300. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton? His face. What is the Arkansas state flower? Gennifer. Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? Put Janet Reno in charge. What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp? One's a scum sucking bott

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him. First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart," so the Wizard said, "So be it." Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain." The Wizard said, "So be it." Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage." The Wizard granted this wish as well. Yhen Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at h

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Go to the theatre."

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket. Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton's habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald's national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton? Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it's got half the meat.

Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?" Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200. Clinton gasped, "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!" Christophe replied, "That makes us even."

Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station. As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary, "I went to high school with you". She recognized him and agreed with him. Later, as they were driving down the road, Bill said, "If you had married him you wouldn't be married to the President." Hillary said, "Oh yes, I would - he would be President."

It was Arbor Day, and a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all planted something. The redhead planted flowers in her front yard. The brunette planted a tree in her back yard. The blonde didn't know what to plant, so she asked the redhead. "Plant something that looks good," she said. The blonde still didn't know what to plant, so she asked the brunette. "Plant something you want more of," she said. The blonde finally knew what to plant. The next day,her husband was declared a missing person.

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF

A man was watching television when there was a knock on the door. He answered it, but only a snail was there. So he picked it up and threw it into the street. Two years later, the man heard another knock on the door. He opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock. Baby conceived naturally; Scientists stumped. Authentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $1.6 million. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. 35 year st