Q: What's weirder than a talking dog? A: A spelling bee!

Knock-Knock. Who's There? Cargo. Cargo Who? Car Go "Beep, Beep!"

According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money

"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers, Humorist

You're so broke, your bologna doesn't have a first name.

Kock-knock. Who's there? Please. Please who? It's the police! Open the door!

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to get the mail it measures on the Richter scale.

Remember- There's a light at the end of every tunnel... just hope it's not a train!

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

Recently, my redneck neighbors invited me to a party. Here was our conversation: "Hey dude! Where are you man? We're having a great party over here. Why don't you come on over and join us?" I replied, "Man, I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm gonna stay right here." "Well, hey. What'cha got?" they asked. "I got a case of diarrhea," I responded. "Well heck, bring it along. These fools will drink anything!"

Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings? Can a unborn baby fart or burp? If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness? Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats? What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question? Is it possible to be allergic to water? When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court, do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God? If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it? W

A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new Ferrari convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio. "Miss," the salesperson said, "this is a very sophisticated radio. There is no requirement to use the buttons or dials. You merely give voice commands to whatever type of program you desire." So after she received her instructions, she headed out on the highway. "Country Music," she said, and instantly a country crooner was singing away on a country station. After a while she said, "Oldies," and instantly she heard "Blueberry Hill." A few minutes later, a guy in