A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

You might be a Republican if... 1. You have a brain 2. You have morales 3. Your bumper sticker say's "Somewhere in Massachusetts a village is missing it's idiot" 4. You totaly agree with everything Foxworthy say's 5. You bought a shotgun and THEN voted against gun control You might become a republican if... 1. You found a brain 2. You stole someones morales 3. You bought a truck with that bumper sticker and was to lazy to take it off. 4. You're dating a Republicans daughter 5. Actually it was the guy's shotgun that changed you. You might be a democrat if... 1. You have no brain 2. You have no morales 3. Your bumper sticker say's "eye is ejumucated, u shid bee two" 4. You don't know who Hit

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the...?," he said to himself as a little blue dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April!" he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She shot back, "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. A simple

This is not supposed to be funny. I want to make a public apology for the temper tantrum I threw earlier today. I still don't get it but I am sorry for blaming everyone else for my problems. AC3P1L07 P.S. please vote this as funny so more people will see it.

Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert? She needed a map. Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert? If it got hot she could roll the window down. How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash? It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off. What is the latest health epidemic among blondes? MAIDS. If they don't get one they die. Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear? She didn't want to get hearing AIDS. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth. Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6

Yo mama's so skinny, when she wears striped PJ's there's only 2 stripes.

A man worked at a gas station out in the middle of nowhere. One day when he was driving home from work, he ran out of gas (how ironic). So the man walks and walks and eventually he comes upon a monastery. He asks a monk at the monastery, "Can I stay here over night? My car ran out of gas." The monk replies, "You may; but you musn't come out of your room between the hours of 12 midnight and 6 am." The man replies, "That's fine with me." The monk takes him to his room, and the man falls asleep. About 12 midnight the man is roused from his sleep by a horrible groaning noise that was coming from the basement. He gets out of his bed to see what it is, but remembers the monk saying that he

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were swimming the breast stroke in a race. The blonde comes in last and says "Not to be a sore loser or anything, but I think the other girls were using their hands.".

Fun things to do in a Waiting Room- ---------------------------------------------------- 1.) Stand in a doorway and press your arms against the frame. 2.) Take a pencil or pen and make little airplane noises and if anyone notices, stare at them and say, "We've been spotted!" and run around in circles. 3.) Try to get behind the receptionist's counter and when some one comes, pop up, and yell "surprise!" at anyone under 50. (heart attack risk) 4.) Make paper airplanes out of magazine pages. Fly them around the room. 5.) Stare at someone in the room and yell, "It's an agent!" and run out. 6.) Come in dressed as a bum and ask if they have any fried beans. 7.) Repeat the following conversa

Bees can't sting... The woman you like at work said yes... An Irishman walked out of a bar... I met a blonde with a brain... Kids are nice... Is there a Weed League?... Farts and flowers in the same sentence... I like Bill Gates... Lawyers have integrity... The lightbulb finally went on in Al Gore's head... Doctors don't fraternize with their nurses... Woman as president... Bill Clinton told the truth... Jeff Foxworthy in a suit... Priests involved with scandal admit what they did... Golf is not dull... Microsoft is better than Linux... Yo mamma is skinny, smart, and cleanly... People will like this joke... (I have included one for each category)

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. ... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied: "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" asked Bill. God said: "I'm going