Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

Little Jimmy, Little Billy, and Jimmy's father were at an Art Museum. Little Jimmy was looking at a picture of someone in a carriage being pulled by a horse. Little Jimmy brought his father over to look at the picture, and he asked his father, "Daddy, what is this?" His dad replied, "Why, that is a horse-drawn carriage!" Little Jimmy excitedly ran over to Little Billy, brought him back to the picture, and said, "Billy, a horse drew this picture!!"

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects -sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings...+5 But return with beer ...-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night

A blonde's son was playing catch with his friend. The blonde was working in the yard, planting flowers and such. Her son was throwing the baseball back and forth with his friend when he suddenly smiled. He threw the baseball straight at his blonde mom, and yelled, "Think Fast!!!" so the blonde said silently to herself, "Fast, fast, fast, fast..." The blonde got herself hit right plop in the head.

Your Momma's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles people SLOW DOWN!

Don't drink and drive, you'll spill your beer.

Women are like beer. They look good, smell good, taste good, and feel good. But after a while you gotta have another beer!

Yo Momma so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

Yo Momma so poor, she wore her McDonalds uniform to church.

The Poop Name List __________________________________________________ The Perfect Dump- Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it. The Beer Dump- Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have

What kind of monkey eats chips? A chipmunk!

This is a list of the worst names to have Dick Hurtz Hary Paratesticles Mike Hunt Mike Rotch Anitta Manwhore Anitta Johnson Fuk Yao Ike Anblow Peter Pecker I.C. Weiner I.P. Freely Seimore Butts Bo Oobless Dick Less Issac Less Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman) Ima Hornibusterd Ima Uglibech Ima Dick