When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241." "That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!" Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

There was a young hooker named Gail whose price was tattooed on her tail. And on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was the same information in Braille.

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Wilson noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back in again, over and over. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband; I told him he was going to cut the g

How many ears did Davy Crockett have? 3 - His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, "Are you ready to order, sir?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I don't believe that's a good idea. I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU." She walks away. Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it's pronounced 'Quiche'"

THINGY: female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra VULNERABLE: female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION: female: The sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Leaving a note before suddenly taking off for the weekend with the boys. BUTT: female: The body part that "looks bigger" no matter what is worn. male: What you slap when someone scores a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT: female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Trying not to pick up other women while out with the girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT:

You've all heard of TGIF - Thank God It's Friday, right? Well my Secretary refers to Friday as POETS day... Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday....!!!

Bud Nelson, from New York, flew to Knock Airport in the west of Ireland on business. As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with an assortment of Human Skulls. "What are you doing?" asked the American. "Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman. "And what skulls do you have?" said Bud. "Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!" said the Irishman. "That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!" "Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michae

Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? Jose: Don't bite any.

Here is a short story to show you that the stodgy air traffic controllers and the flyers they serve can have a sense of humor: The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"